You’ve Got Five Pages, The Twelve Topsy-Turvy, Very Messy Days of #Christmas by #TadSafran and #JamesPatterson, to Tell Me You’re Good. #FirstChapter #BookReview #Podcast

Hello, my fellow creatives! I was happily surprised to find a new release at my local library that touches on the Christmas spirit.

As writers, we hear all the time that we’ve got to hook readers in just the first few pages or else. We’ve got to hook agents in the first few pages or else.

Whether you’re looking to get published or just hoping to hook your reader, first impressions are vital. Compelling opening scenes are the key to catching an agent or editor’s attention, and are crucial for keeping your reader engaged.


Well then, let’s study those first few pages in other people’s stories, shall we?

Today I snagged from the New Release shelf:

The Twelve Topsy-Turvy, Very Messy Days of Christmas by Tad Safran and James Patterson

To be blunt, the first chapter of The Twelve Topsy-Turvy, Very Messy Days of Christmas by Tad Safran and James Patterson was infuriating.

If you do not see the audio player above, you can access the podcast here.

The first page begins with a lighthearted approach about the worst Christmas present being different kinds of socks–this is relatable and fine. Then the next paragraph goes in a different direction and says the worst Christmas present for two siblings was the death of their mom. This is a shock so early in the story, but also something many of us can relate to. We’re even ready as readers to sympathize and perhaps even empathize with the characters.

But unfortunately, the exposition establishing this family’s situation is so distracting that it turns off any desire to empathize and actually inspires us to abandon those kids to their fate, unread. The narrator wants to be lighthearted about their dead mom–don’t worry, they didn’t “technically” lose her because she’s in a cemetery. Don’t worry, she’s not a zombie. Don’t worry, she didn’t spend all her time outside because she wasn’t house-trained. What on earth was this supposed to be? Humor? I can appreciate that folks use humor to cope with grief. Again, completely understandable. But we are brand new to this story-world and this family. We want to meet this family and understand them, but we can’t if we’re only told poor jokes about the family member all of them love and miss so much. If anything, we only learn about the narrator in this first chapter, and what I’ve learned does not encourage me to stick around and get to know the narrator better. It’s a shame, really, because there really are some lovely lines about the family at the end of the first chapter that, sadly, are soured by what came before.

Perhaps you are fine with this brand of humor. Please enjoy! As for me, I think I’ll see what’s on the library’s new release shelf next week. No matter what the season brings, keep reading!

Read on, share on, and write on, my friends!