It promises to be hot over the next few days. Not just hot – a record breaking scorcher, just like the ‘dog days of summer’ are intended to be (see two posts back), but rarely turn out that way in England. This bout of hot and sultry – canicular – weather is a bit late for the formal ‘dog days,’ but there is no taking the dog out for his usual walk this afternoon. I will have to do my errands on my own. However, try explaining that to a pet that has his preferred routine, and doesn’t like it disrupted. Ever thought what being left at home alone feels like from a dog’s perspective?
Well here’s a go at putting it into words:
The One Left Behind – a monologue
They’ve gone without me.
‘Be a good boy,’ they said, leaving me with a pathetic chew thing, as they went out of the door, into the car, and away. Off somewhere nice, no doubt. As if I care.
Lick balls, scratch, bark a bit, snooze.
How much longer are they going to be? It feels like a-a-a-ages.
Seriously if they’re going to be this long I might as well sit on the sofa till they return.
Lick balls, scratch, bark a bit, snooze.
Jeez, this is boring. Perhaps they’re never coming back. Not that I’m bothered.
Lick balls, scratch, bark a bit.
Bark quite a lot actually – that’s seen the postman off, and a nice torn letter under the hall cupboard for good measure. Though I really don’t know why I do this for them. Never a thank you.
Lick balls, scratch, bark a bit, snooze.
And if they think I’m going to act pleased to see them when they get back, they’ve got another think coming.
A chap could starve to death, and nobody’d notice.
Might as well eat that damn chew
Gnaw chew, lick balls, scratch, bark a bit, snooze.
What’s that? A car stopping? A key in the door? My name called?
They’re back!
Fly off sofa, wag tail furiously, hugs and kisses all round.
Almost piss myself with joy.
Every time!
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