You….
- Develop satisfying projects, like re-writing your 200-book-long TBR list in order of preference, or training your eyebrows into a different shape with artful plucking.
- …or, you notice the forest where your eyebrows used to be, and decide to stop looking in the mirror/not cut your fringe after all.
- Experience extreme irritation if the shower gel has been put back in the wrong place.
- Consider taking the two-minute walk up to local shop… if you can be bothered to go. Because it means putting on boots, and a coat, and finding that damn mask, and… on the other hand, it is an outing.
- Consider putting on make-up for the occasion then realise that there is no point because the mask will cover most of it and the eyebrow-hiding fringe will cover the rest.
- Wonder why you haven’t read all those books thought would have time for.
Are super-chatty to the Asda delivery man,
to the extent that he has to say, ‘Well, I’d better let you get on.”
- Have a purse full of notes that have been there for at least six months. Sometimes you look inside, see coins, and say, “Well, darn it, I wonder what those little bitty things are for?”
- Consider rearranging your bookshelves in colours of the rainbow.
- Get excited about your new tea towels arriving from M&S.
- Order more things you don’t really need because it’s so lovely to get packages.
- Discover what your real hair colour is.
- Are convinced it’s Sunday, even though the calendar tells you it’s Thursday. What if you’ve been forgetting to tear the pages off, though? How would you know?
- Have long ago stopped listening to the current lockdown rules, and just assume you can’t go anywhere or do anything.
- Get excited about a trip to Waitrose, and try on different scarf/jacket/earring combinations.
- Look at your high heels and wonder how you ever wore them. More to the point, why.
- Feel like the characters on The Walking Dead or whichever series you are currently watching are actually your friends.
- … and PayPal has become an online friend.
- Develop little routines that must be adhered to. I am only one step away from having a checklist of things that must be done before bed, order of business for the morning before I start writing, etc.
- Have already bought all suitable items from the ‘loungewear’ section of M&S Online, and eagerly await the spring collection
- Notice that the week-per-view diary, which used to include lunches with girlfriends/reminders to book trains/hotels/all manner of appointments, etc., now reflects the way Alexei Sayle described a leaflet that came through his door entitled ‘What’s On In Stoke Newington’ – ‘A big sheet of paper with ‘fuck all’ written on it.’
- (….no, scrap that, I just saw a diary entry for Thursday! Oh…it says ‘wash towels’.)
Thank you to my sister, Julia, for her contributions!
(Please note: I realise that there are far more serious issues connected with the prolonged lockdown. This is just a bit of fun, to lighten up a dull Monday morning… or is it Wednesday?)