Notable by their absence were members of the royal family who had suddenly and quite mysteriously disappeared from public view.
People had been coming and going all day, with choppers landing one after another on the ship’s top deck. At first Miles took little notice, being used to strangers wandering about, but one lady struck him as particularly glamorous in a soft leather cat suit, her luxuriant reddish hair bouncing on her shoulders. Miles watched her catlike walk as she headed for the lounge area where her host awaited.
“Ah, my dear, lovely as ever, I see.” Mr. Smyle was there to greet her and, after kissing her on both cheeks, led her by the hand.
“Come and meet the children. They’ll be so delighted to have a new companion. I’m afraid I’ve neglected them somewhat in recent days.”
Alice and Miles were duly summoned and introduced in turn. “And this is…..Polly,” he announced, “Who’ll be helping us get ready for a very exciting occasion. Yes, children, we’re on our way back to London where I’m going to receive the greatest possible honour from our future King. From now on, I shall be known as His Most Excellent Worthiness, The Right Worshipful Lord Alazon Smyle! Isn’t that wonderful?”
“But what about Australia?” cried Alice, alarmed.
“What about Australia?” Mr. Smyle was genuinely bemused.
“I thought we were going there to find our parents!” Alice wailed.
“Tut tut, Alice, don’t be so selfish!” replied Smyle reproachfully. “You can see them any time, but this honour can never be repeated! Be happy for me! And, who knows?” he added, teasingly, “Perhaps your parents may not be as far away as you think!”
Three weeks later, Miles and Alice awoke to the sound of distant foghorns and Mr. Smyle shouting enthusiastically. “How touching! It’s our welcoming committee!”
Sure enough, Miles could see a flotilla of small ships and other boats forming an escort up the Thames, all tooting and hooting and flying their flags in welcome.
“Wow!” squeaked Miles, “We’re being treated like royalty!”
“Oh no, Master Miles!” the butler exclaimed, horrified at the thought. “Mr. Smyle is far, far, far more important!”
As the Ocean of Smyle’s swept into port, there were many people waiting at the dockside which had been decorated with huge sprays of red and purple flowers. People cheered, bands played, and a rich purple carpet lay in wait for the distinguished arrivals. From amongst the welcoming throngs, ‘Polly’, the tall, red-haired woman, leaned forward to whisper urgently into Mr. Smyle’s ear and, for a split second, his beaming smile faded. Clicking his fingers, he beckoned to some of his henchmen who followed the woman as she hurried away. Then Mr. Smyle resumed his smiling and waving to the appreciative crowd. It was quite a reception. The Prime Minister was there along with his entire cabinet, the Lord Mayor of London, several supermodels, and the President of the United States who just happened to be visiting his auntie.
Notable by their absence were members of the royal family who had suddenly and quite mysteriously disappeared from public view. This meant, with fewer famous people to grace their front pages, newspapers had to concentrate even more intensely on Mr. Smyle. Although not exactly the handsomest man in the world, he was guaranteed to grin for his picture. Everybody, but everybody, adored Mr. Smyle.
As, of course, he seemed to adore them. For a full half hour, he ‘gave himself’ to the people, honouring them with his towering presence before launching into a well-rehearsed speech. He talked about the future and the wonderful times in store. He talked about the fellowship of humanity and how he would bring peace and happiness into the lives of all. And, as usual, everybody clapped.
Chapter 30
He hadn’t survived forty-odd shipwrecks only to be scuppered by a gang of goons.
He hadn’t survived forty-odd shipwrecks only to be scuppered by a gang of goons.
Captain Catastrophe and his young shipmates took their seats on the 10.44 to Derbyshire. “You lads get some shut-eye,” he suggested. “We could have a long day ahead of us. I’ll take the first watch in case of enemy boarders.”
“Can I have a sandwich?” begged Odi, causing Captain Catastrophe to put a finger to his lips. “Shhhhh!” he warned. “Mustn’t draw attention to ourselves.”
But he’d hardly hit the head rest before his first snore ripped round the carriage, causing everyone to check their mobile phones for faults. Despite his name, Captain Catastrophe could do a lot of things well, and one of them was snore. He could snore louder and longer than anybody else – so loudly that, much to Joe and Odi’s embarrassment, all the other passengers kept turning around to tut. Other than that, the journey proved uneventful, and the boys chatted happily enough together as they sped through the English countryside.
Except, there didn’t seem to be quite as much countryside as Joe remembered. When he’d last been on a train, the scenery seemed to be mostly green with hardly a house for miles. This time, however, it was completely the opposite. Huge sprawling housing estates seemed to go on forever with only the occasional glimpse of fields in between. There were vast industrial buildings, mills, factories, hundreds of chimneys belching out smoke, electricity pylons, fences, walls, offices, shops, the whole country was just one large swathe of grey. Even when they did spot an odd bit of green, it usually had JCBs on it, ready to dig up the grass for yet another new development. And everywhere they looked, there were signs in giant purple letters ‘A. Smyle for Your Home’, or ‘A. Smyle for Industry’.
“Isn’t it depressing?” mused Odi as he pressed his nose to the window.
“Never mind,” Joe said reassuringly, “We’ll be in Fernilee soon.” Sure enough, the train soon reached the Derbyshire Peak and the hills were as wild and wonderful as ever.
“Captain Bob!” yelled Joe, “Wake up! This is our stop. Please wake up, Captain! We have to get off now!”
“Hmm hah…hmm eh?…what!….?” The Captain blustered for a few moments until he regained consciousness. At last, he grabbed his belongings and rolled onto the platform where the boys were waiting.
“There they are!” someone growled, and Odi, Joe and the Captain swung round to see their old enemies, Skinner, Brown and Griswold running towards them from the far end of the platform. “Get them!” The cry came from Mordant who was standing with a fat cigar in his hand which he pointed at the boys.
“Run!” yelled Odi and all three companions started running towards the exit. “Hoi you!” growled another black-mac, who appeared suddenly from the other end of the platform. There was nothing else for it. Two sets of young legs and one set of old and bandy ones leaped onto the tracks and pelted off in the direction of Fernilee. Captain Catastrophe paused briefly to hurl his heavy kit bag at the first group of men, doing so with such a force, it knocked his pursuers backwards. This gave the boys time to get a lead.
“Keep going boys! Don’t wait for me!” Catastrophe cried. He knew he couldn’t outrun their pursuers, so decided to stand his ground and hold them off for as long as he could. And a remarkable job he made of it too, being toughened by oceans and seasoned by storms. Besides, he hadn’t survived forty-odd shipwrecks only to be scuppered by a gang of goons. With his gnarled fists, he struck some fearsome blows, made all the more powerful for his having the element of surprise in his favour. What had never occurred to these bullying thugs was that anyone, let alone an elderly man, would ever dare stand up to them. At one point, he had two of them by the neck, one under each arm, then used their heads as battering rams to hit their fellows in the stomach. For several minutes, the old salt held his own, blocking his opponents’ path to the children.
“Never mind the old guy!” yelled Mordant from a very safe distance. “It’s the kids we want – especially the blond one! Come on, lay off the old geezer!”
Skinner, Brown and Griswold would have been only too glad to lay off Captain Catastrophe. The only problem was, Captain Catastrophe refused to lay off THEM. He’d already brought Griswold to the ground and was sitting quite comfortably on the poor man’s head, while at the same time twisting Skinner and Brown’s neckties with such an iron grip, their faces had turned puce.
“Pick on children, would you?” he growled. “I’ll teach you to pick on people smaller than yourselves!” and he bounced on Griswold for all he was worth, giving the other two men’s neckwear an extra tug for luck.
It took Mordant and a triple strength tranquilizer dart to release his men from the Captain’s clutches. Even then, the effects of the drug didn’t kick in for at least five minutes and, by the time Catastrophe eventually sank into oblivion – right in the path of the approaching train to Buxton – Skinner, Brown and Griswold had all but suffocated.
“Out of the way!” bawled the driver of the train, and Mordant’s men staggered onto the banking, clutching their throats and gasping for air. Catastrophe, however, lay flat out on the railway line, snoring his head off. There was nothing else for the train driver to do but slam on his brakes and bring the engine screeching to a halt…barely inches away from Catastrophe’s unconscious form.
From their hiding place in a tree half a mile away, Joe and Odi, who’d been watching the scene, sighed with relief. “Whoa!” said Odi “he may have grounded a few boats in the past – but I bet that’s the first time he’s scuttled a train!”
“Do you think he’ll be all right?” Joe asked, anxiously. The boys continued watching for a moment or two, then saw Mordant dragging his cronies to their feet.
“They’re coming!” Odi yelled. “Let’s get out of here!”
“Head for the canal” shouted Joe. “We’ll try and find that rabbit hole of Roots!”
Pulses racing as fast as their feet, Odi and Joe flew through the canal basin and along the towpath for at least two miles without pausing for breath.
Eventually, Odi flopped into a heap. “I can’t go any further!” he wailed “Surely we must be near the spot by now.”
Joe gazed up the hill, frantically searching for the right place. “I don’t recognise anywhere! It all looks different!” Then he realised why. “Of course!” he cried “it’s Autumn now. The fields have all been mowed!” Almost immediately, his eyes landed on a clump of trees a mile or so ahead.
“Up there!” he yelled victoriously. “We came out where those woods are up the hill!”
“We’d better hurry then,” Odi advised “This time we’ve got no cover.”
“Oh yes we have!” said Joe and pointed at some plump ponies grazing contentedly in the nearby field. “Follow me!” With that, Joe clambered over the fence which divided the towpath from the field, took a flying run at the brown pony and vaulted onto its back. Odi copied him, making a bee-line for a placid looking chestnut pony with a white mane and tail. This animal, however, was not quite as dopey as it looked, and, startled by the unexpected thud of a hefty child landing on its back, it bucked indignantly, throwing Odi forward over its neck. Before the boy could recover his balance, the steed was off at full gallop towards the wood. “Help!” cried Odi, clinging desperately to its mane, “It’s started running!”
Not being any more used to horses than his friend, Joe was having his own problems.
As Odi’s mount bolted, the brown pony decided to compete, and the race was on! Two young lads flopped helplessly from side to side on two fat ponies galloping fast enough to win the Derby! Uncomfortable as the journey was, it certainly did the trick. As first Odi, then Joe, were knocked from their ponies by overhanging branches, Immediately, the animals stopped, lowered their heads and got back to more important matters, such as foraging for juicy bits of grass.
“Of all the journeys I’ve taken in the last six months that was absolutely the worst!” said Odi, rubbing his behind.
“At least we’re out of sight now,” Joe whispered. At that moment, Grey, Brown and Griswold appeared, hobbling painfully along the towpath. “Come on!” urged Joe. “Let’s find that hole before they find us.”
It wasn’t long before they were both crawling along in the darkness, spitting out bits of soil and trying to avoid the wildlife.
“This is where we came in!” remarked Joe, cheerfully. Odi, however, was even less enthusiastic than before. “As long as we come out again!” he growled. Actually, the warren seemed tighter than previously, probably because of all the fancy food they’d been eating, courtesy of Mr. Smyle.
“I wish I hadn’t had that last half-pounder!” Odi moaned.
“Laurel reckons meat’s bad for you.” his companion said for no particular reason other than to keep the conversation sparkling.
“Hey, I’m a Rogers, and Rogers have been eating meat since Noah came off the ark, so spare me your lectures and just keep crawling!”
Sometime later, the two exhausted boys glimpsed a pin-hole of light ahead of them. “That must be the tree!” Joe breathed excitedly. “We’re here!”
“Well, finally!” said Odi, sighing with relief. Relief, however, turned to anxiety when Joe reached the spot.
“It’s blocked!” he cried. “Something’s covering the entrance!”
“What!” shrieked Odi, his hair standing on end. “Help! Help! Get me outa here!”
Hysteria can be catching, and Odi’s screams were soon being echoed by Joe. “Help! Help!” they yelled until their throats were hoarse. “Help! Somebody!”
“What if there IS nobody?” Odi cried.
“We’d have to crawl back again – backwards!” replied Joe, but to his great relief, the blockage moved as if by magic, and the boys emerged gratefully into the forest……
Only it wasn’t forest anymore!