As I have said before, sometimes you have to remove the line in a poem you are most proud of, for the poem to work.
This poem is a case in point.
Self Portrait Number 2
Throughout the slanting rain
an abstracted man stands in a bay window
watching individual raindrops cascade
change colour
darken leaves
return to the earth
continue to cycle back to the ocean
Originally I had:
in a bay window
an abstracted man stands
with a blue teapot in his right hand
watching individual raindrops cascade
But in all honesty even though this was how I had been standing, the blue teapot adds nothing to the poem, so sadly had to go.
Here’s a poem I’m working on.
once again the weary moon must alibi the daylight to the disgruntled insomniac who is impatient for the dawn as sleep has failed to materialise
the waning disc slowly explains the solar cycle
reduced to a walk on part to explain the absence of morning there had been parity once but that was long ago
the non-sleeper does not care for history and yawns in the moon’s face
the moon sets leaving him alone beneath the brittle points of light that adorn the night sky
Here’s an old video of Alela Diane’s first album.
Until next time.