A Fortune to Die For
According to Iowa DNR (no, that doesn’t stand for Do Not Resuscitate. It stands for Dept. of Natural Resources.) there are NO BEARs in Iowa.
Okay, there may be two at any time who have wandered in from other states. But that doesn’t make them Iowan bears. So if you shoot one, you are shooting something that doesn’t exist, so there is no harm no foul. Something that does not exist does not get protected.
But if you see one our non-existent bears, it will be a lone male who has wandered in from another state looking for food and an obliging female. Since there are no females here, he will leave in a few days.
Unless you shoot said non-existent bear. Which you may, since it doesn’t exist Per Iowa DNR.
Actual sightings of Non-existent bears in Iowa:
IOWA BEARS: https://youtu.be/DPLbNZ8vQBs
A 100-200 pound bear was spotted in Dubuque.
Another bear was sighted in Mt. Carmel, Iowa
(BTW, there are no mountains in Iowa either)
A Black bear with two cubs was seen in Wadena Iowa.
(Remember there is no evidence of females or breeding going on in Iowa.)
Picture taken of non-existent mother & cubs in Iowa
Bear killed on highway near Jesup Iowa. 150 lbs.
A very boring video (by a cop) catches 1-2 yr old cub crossing the road. The poor cub almost gets hit which is pretty hard to do given there are only two vehicles on the road. Seriously, pay attention to how empty this road is and how close the little bear came to being hit.
Now in my story, there’s a 600 pound black bear named Grumpy who lives in the Iowa forest that Meg just bought.
And yes, black bears can live for 30 years and weigh up to 600 pounds. My dog, Jess, and I have met a giant old black bear on three different occasions in New Jersey. He was benign on two occasions.
However, once I inadvertently woke him up from his nap on a boulder, causing him to stand up, and while he seemed mostly confused, he was less than eight feet away and considerably taller than me, so I apologized and slowly walked backwards. And for once, Jess did not bark at him.
And yes, black bears can live for 30 years and weigh up to 600 pounds. My dog, Jess, and I have met a giant old black bear on three different occasions in New Jersey. He was benign on two occasions.
However, once I inadvertently woke him up from his nap on a boulder, causing him to stand up, and while he seemed mostly confused, he was less than eight feet away and considerably taller than me, so I apologized and slowly walked backwards. And for once, Jess did not bark at him.
We just quietly eased away. This is because we believe bears really do exist. And sometimes they really do kill humans.
Blurb
Megan Clarke had a good life until she wins the Mega Times Lottery and discovers the prize comes with a curse. Worse than the many money-hungry suitors, a serial killer has her in his sight. She changes her name and moves to Iowa with plans to buy their last major forest of white oaks and turn it into a State Park. Unfortunately, the Lottery Curse doesn’t stop at state lines and someone there wants her dead, as well. Good thing a disturbingly handsome law officer is just as determined to keep her alive.
Excerpt
The cries of a large variety of birds filled the air in the meadow. “What types of animals live here?”
Tess tilted her head. “We’ve got the usual suspects—raccoon, deer, otters, and mink. Up in the hills, I’ve seen the prints of a mountain lion. It may have been passing through, or it may have decided to make this home. I always look for signs of it when I hike, but mountain lions are extremely cautious of humans and normally keep their distance.
“How about bears?” Meg asked.
“According to Wildlife officials, there are no bears in Iowa.”
“None?” she challenged, remembering Andy telling her about a bear.
Helen snorted. “We’ve got one giant bear in my woods. Must have come down from Minnesota.”
Helen picked up a stick and threw it off the path.
“Bears and mountain lions aren’t legally recognized in Iowa, so they have no protection from hunters. I’ve plastered these woods with no hunting warnings, but they show up here anyway. Not much I can do to stop them.”
“Bears and mountain lions aren’t legally recognized in Iowa, so they have no protection from hunters. I’ve plastered these woods with no hunting warnings, but they show up here anyway. Not much I can do to stop them.”
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A Fortune to Die For
The White Oak-Mafia Series
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About Liza
Liza O’Connor was raised badly by feral cats, left the South/Midwest and wandered off to find nicer people on the east coast. There she worked for the meanest man on Wall Street, while her psychotic husband tried to kill her three times. (So much for finding nicer people.) Then one day she declared enough, got a better job, divorced her husband, and fell in love with her new life where people behaved nicely. But all those bad behaviors has given her lots of fodder for her humorous books. Please buy these books, because otherwise, she’ll become grumpy and write troubled novels instead. They will likely traumatize you.
You have been warned.
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